Today, spiritually, I hit a wall. I was angry and tired. It'd been more than a year that I was ministering to others, but felt so far removed from God. I felt like everything I earnestly asked God for, I got the opposite of. I felt like my will was the opposite of his. Like I had no control over my life, so what's the point of prayer? So I sat on my floor, threw things and told God exactly how I felt.
Then a pang of guilt swept over me. How could I do that? I have an amazing life. I have too much food, clothes, education. I travel too much. Who was I to complain? But on the other hand, this is what I was feeling. Why should I feel guilty for letting it out? Is it so impossible to relate with God that I can't really express how I feel?
Then I went on Youtube and literally just happened upon this video.
I guess sometimes God is not so subtle.
Is it that He's finally speaking to me? Or that I'm finally listening?
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8 comments:
Sometimes we have to say all that's in our heads, so God can speak to our hearts. . . .
if you liked this nooma, you'll love the rest. they only get better after this first one.
i'm kind of obsessed with nooma... rob bell... god.
what they said.
i'm ALL up in this guy's mix.
i love it. 'your gonna make it buddy . . . i love you . . .dad knows the way home!"
god is becoming so much more real.
this quarterlife business is no joke.
but it like the refiner's fire.
and i WOULDN'T wxchange these past few and next few years for anything. we're gonna learn so much about ourselves while we make the chose to move or be moved away or toward God and better decision. . .
we done kiddo.
I had once believed that things would make more sense and that it would get better the more time passes .... but alas, I am wrong... again.
I have had those moments as of late... moments of "why, God? why?... why are you letting me go through this storm? Where are you? Are you even here?"
And then I realize that my life is not my own. That addage that God wants you to be happy, or that God wants you to be safe is untrue at all. What God wants is just... you.
I feel your tantrums, Jaellie G. While we're having that, God is there to clean up the broken corelle plates on the floor....
Jael, I'm working on the BHSC brochure, and we have a quote from you about getting a job at some prestigious place? Or like beating out other students from ivy league schools and whatnot 'cause they didn't get the opportunities you did at AU...could you provide me with your position and job title? It doesn't necessarily still have to be in effect...but it'll be nice to add to the quote if possible (to keep it inconsistent with the other quotes and such). TIA...
ooo jylos. i be cryin. dat was hot. dats an understatement. and i've seen this video before, but i never got it before. i dunno homie, its true jesus be moldin us, but he be holdin us da whole time... cause we are his. and dats what he wants to experience...us. you. me...the way we are. ooof dat ting was powerful.
tanx jy. te quiero. fo life.
i have to come back and watch that. in class right now. but thoroughly intruiged..
update, update, update.
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