Fell off the wagon...

Last night I had a coffee colonic. No it's not the delicious drink from Dunkin Donuts. It it pure nazi-level toture. You are asked to lay down on the board laid out between the toilet and a chair, you are then directed to lime a slim cylindric instrument (oiled, of course) into you...ass... and are pumped with gallons of mysterious dark liquid. Now I knew that things could come out of there, but in? That's just unnatural! Then I proceded to...evacuate what I believe could be the solution to this nation's oil deficit. I think I've chosen to black out the proceding of the next hour, not eve listening to Nelly Furtado could cure me. But I emerge, as does the pheonix, a NEW WOMAN!!!! My tummy was flat! My cheeks rouged! I was in HEAVEN!!!! This morning I woke with a new bounce in my step... I must've lost 5, 10 lbs! As I got on the scale, I set it at 200, (I was optimistic, yet cautious) The bar went straight to the bottom. HURRAH HURRAH!!! I have broken the barrier!!! In the 200 NO MORE!!! With a grin, I slide the weight to where it says 150, and play around with the little weight, 199, the bar shoots up. WHAT?! WHAT HAVE I DONE?! But 200 was still too much. I decided to compromise. 199.5 a perfect balance. I was a little dissapointed. After having relesed fertalizer for an hour straight the night before, I was sure I had lost more than 1.5 lbs.

That dissapointment, plus stress at work caused me to have a turkey grinder for lunch, after already having eaten my sensible brakfast. So I fell off the wagon one me. Who care?! Beyonce would pick herself right back up and that's what I'm going to do. LONG LIVE THE LIMONADA!! I will continue... 4 days and 7.5lbs lighter, it can't get no better!


PS I heard that Janet Jackson would have coffee colonics when she was trying to lose weight. Maybe I misjugded it. ok, just 1 more time.