On Monday Dee gave me a vital piece of advice. If you're sick from your chest up (ie. a runny nose, cough) you CAN work out, If you're sick below your chest (corre coree, the runs) DO NOT WORK OUT. That really bursted my bubble beacuse I had used my little cough as an excuse not to even look in the direction to the gym this week. So FINE, this morning I woke up at 4:40, woke my sister up, so that we could be at the gym by 5. Well, I now understand the "below the chest" thing, because about 20 minutes into my work out, my stomach made a noise I had never heard it make before. I recognized it as a STRONG urge to fart. But how could I? There were about 20, not so happy, sleep deprived people around me, how dare I contaminate their workout air, they were losing so much air already. Well, my stomach spoke to me again, and it was mad as hell. It said, "Jael, either you let the fart out on your own terms or I will push it out for you. ERGO: this is how you let out a fart at the gym.
1. On whatever machine you're on, SLOW DOWN YOUR PACE. It's a scientific fact that the speed of the fart is directly related to the speed in which you are working out. So, do yourself a favor, don't worry that those around you will think you're weak for slowing down, slow down to warm up/cool down speed!
2. Gently cough and release between 20 and 25% of the gas within you. Remember, this will be slow, but slow equals slient. And if it's silent (even though it might be deadly) you can always blame it on someone else.
3. Repeat step 2 three to four more times, or until all of the gas is out of your stomach.
4. Look at the person on the machine next to you as if they had just said that the holocaust was a hoax. This way, those around you will think that this person is responsible for the new rancid smell. (*Note: the “you smelt it you dealt it” rule still applies here, so this may backfire on you. Use with caution.)
I hope that this tutorial has been helpful. Questions and comments are welcome.
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3 comments:
one time i was workin out on the efx... and i had to fart... and you are correct, the speed you are going directly relates to the speed of the fart... dude, that fart FLEW out.
it left my butt cheeks with some serious vibratations... it felt super loud... yet i'll never know because i had my headphones on. i acted as if i did not know what had happened... luckily it did not smell... but was it silent? i have a feeling it was not.
Well at least you're an expert at something!!!! Good thing when I go to the gym I'm usually the only one there!!!
dee
i didn't know you had a blog either. bet you don't know that i do...haha.
but i dig the gym fart blog. werd.
ben
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