Tuesday, November 18, 2008

BLOG, HOMIES, BLOG

It's been a while,

And it's not that I haven't thought about blogging. I've actually been blogging quite a bit, in my head... check out these good ones:

Election-erection

How Jael's Making Obama Babies on the regular

The Camera Killed the Political Star

Honestly, run a google images search on Hillary Clinton. ANYONE would run from that crazy looking bitch. Compare it to a google images search for Barack Obama: there goes that election-erection again

Sarah Palin For VP

I don't exactly remember what I mind-blogged for this one, but it was something to the tune of "You gotta be fucking kidding me"

Believe me, I've been wanting you all to read about how super political I've become, and I've been DYING to write about California and the total lack of fashion awareness outside of LA, but some force has been keeping me from blogger. I don't know.

In that same vein, I just want to make this appeal: Please, Homies, Please blog. I understand how it is- our lives are changing and we're busier and poorer than ever. Blogging is probably the last thing on our minds. That's why we need to blog: Even though we might not see each other every day, we can still share our food/booger/job/significant other/pet stories. We can still be connected

So Please BLOG HOMIES BLOG!!!

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

now, THIS movie, I'd watch

This morning I woke up saying,


"Mikey, we only have 6 relmns in this world. We can't afford to lose one!"

that must've been a kick ass dream

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Is that a cheesestake in your pocket?

To commemorate the Independence of our great nation, my friends Hannah, Sally and I are going to take a day trip to Philadelphia on Sunday July 6.

Being the one who can most loosely use the term "employed" I've taken it upon myself to form the itinerary. To help with this most selfless endeavour, I've scoured tons of online articles searching for suggestions as to what spots to hit on a Day in Philly. I found a great one at travel.yahoo.com. But trumping the article's excellent advice is a comment left by laiqahmad786, a loving Pakistani newlywed who wants nothing more than to make his honeymoon to America a memorable experience for his new bride. Mrs. laiqahmad786 you're a lucky, lucky girl!

laiqahmad786:
i m come to used the hotel and plz tel me hotel charges tell me ok laiq
shakoori international listining culb
paikistan

laiqahmad786
i m come to honey moon in my wife


priceless!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Mr. Darcy (kiss) Mr. Darcy (kiss) Mr. Darcy (doonk)

It is a truth universally acknowlegded, that every woman in posession of hormones, MUST eventually fall madly in love with Mr. Darcy, whether she wants to or not.

Such is the case with my cousin Allie, who is the closest thing I have to a little sister. As such, I've selflessly taken it upon myself to teach her the ways of the world. Including, of course, trying to instill a love of Pride and Prejudice and all other things Janes Austen.

However, Allie's been reticent to accept her eventual fate. And having only just forgiven her for falling asleep during the 5 hour BBC version our beloved book, I was surprised to recieve the following text messages from her


(Text Messages between Allie [in Puerto Rico awaiting the start of summer semester]and Jael [New York, working, apparently])

Allie:
I miss my cousin Jael so I'm gonna watch pride and prejudice right now in her honor. Or Maybe I'm just really bored so hopefully this will help me fall asleep.

Jael:
oh snap! the 5 hour one or the new one? I watched the new one last night

Allie:
Hell no 5 hours. The new one. Its actually a tad bit humorous. I'm not sayin I'm startin to like it

Jael:
Whatever, you love it. Is it for class?

Allie:
No. I don't start until tomorrow

Allie:
What an asshole! Mr darcy.

Jael:
LOL. I thought you hated it. Why are you getting emotionally involved?

Allie:
Because I can relate to Elizabeth and her relationship with her dad

Jael:
You should read the book it's even better

Allie:
He confessed he loves her! oh my gah!

Jael:
that's the BEST SCENE EVER!!!


Allie:
My jaw is on the ground. He made it seem like he was gonna kiss her and then left. I hate this movie lol

Allie:
oh my gah! He smiled at her for the first time ever!

Allie:
Jael, he did it all her for! he did it all for her!

Allie:
Best

Allie:
Movie

Allie:
EVER!


My work here is done.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

What I learned from Papi.




My Dad, host of Power 1310's El Bembe de la Manana, and one of the coolest guys I know, is a staunch, rather militant supporter of Barack Obama. Every now and then during his call-in show, he comes across a caller who says something racist, in reference to the Obama campaign. But Papi is pretty quick to diffuse the situation, and return the show to a more positive tone. When asked why he doesn't more forcefully shun these callers, Papi manages to convince you that their sentiments are that of a minority of the Hispanic population, more specifically, an uneducated and probably disenfranchised cohort, who should be pitied, rather than abhorred. And rather than play into their game, he chooses to challenge their logic. But one can't help but wonder if these comments affect this man, with a black mother and a black daughter, more than he lets on.

Then today, I found this article: Racism alarms Obama's Backers. At first I was shocked and angered that in this century, people can cite someone being a, "half-breed" as a reason not to vote for them. But then I began to understand why the Obama campaign makes it a point to underplay the "race issue" and why Papi feels the way he feel. Yes, this is sad and yes, it should make you angry, but it's also laughable and it should make you wonder. Rather than hate these people, and launch a counter attack, we should take the time to educate and enlighten.

Because in the end Hope trumps fear, Knowledge trumps ignorance, Love trumps hatred.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Giving the gift of wisdom, one hopeless child at a time!

This is an excerpt from a recent conversation I had with one of the boys I tutor--

Jael: Seriously, Joey*, you need to focus, I'm not going over this again.
Joey: Jael, I have a question for you.
Jael: Shoot.
Joey: This is serious, though.
Jael: Ok, what is it?
Joey: If a guys sticks it in a girl, but takes it out right away, is he still a virgin?
Jael: WHAT?!
Joey: Like, you stick it in, but nothing happens, cause he takes it back out real quick. Is he still a virgin?
Jael: I don't think so, Joe.
Joey: (look of absolute horror crosses his face, slowly replaced by a massive smile) Alllrrriigghhtt!

*name has been changed

Thursday, May 08, 2008

There's one born every minute...

This morning, I got an email from the Body Shop informing me that as a card-carrying "Love Your Body" member, I was entitled to a free lavender body wash and 20%off my entire purchase, should I choose to buy anything. So I went during my lunch hour, just to look.

Then the sales lady showed me their new makeup line, of which I had to get the shimmery eye shadow (set of 4), and a glossy lipstick (it was a toss-up between raspberry and caramel, I got caramel). Then she informed me that if I spend just 5 more dollars I can get 2 points on my card, bringing me up to a total of 4 points, which means a free $15 gift. Well, try finding something at the Body Shop for $5 that you can't get at Target for $1. Being financially conscious, I opted instead for the Seaweed Night Cream (to go of course with the Seaweed Day Cream, the Seaweed Cleanser and the Seaweed Toner that I have at home). My trip, "just to look" ended up in a $40 purchase (I'm on a budget!). I went back to work fuming, but looking fabulous from trying on all the new makeup. But honestly, they really know how to get you, who knew 1 little email was going to cost me so much. I swore that from that moment on, I wasn't going to let myself get swindled and hoodwinked like that! I am, Jael, mistress of my own destiny and wallet and I can totally control myself when these temptations come, now that I know the warning signs!

But tomorrow, I'm going back for the fucking raspberry.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Prairie skirts are in fashion this season

Polygamist Wives' Clothing Looks to Past By HILLARY RHODES,AP

I just have a feeling that when Hillary Rhodes of the Associate Press first entered Journalism 101 on the first day of her freshman year of college and sat in the front row, this was not the vision she had for her future.

But I just had to share this article because of the irony, hilarity and elitism of it all. And the fact that at this point in history, this is the news I choose to focus on.

GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

All you need is....

This was an email I got from a former student in Korea who I correspond with regularly. It just got me thinking....

Today, I had a term project.

My topic was Interracial marriage in Korea.


I'll show to you.

Have you ever thought about Interracail marriage?
and talked to your parents about it? especially i want to ask to women.
Maybe , their parents said "No!"


Actually I really want to get married with foreigner.
Before I started studying in this institute, I didn't think about the issue.
After I'm learning language, my thought was changing little by litte.
I think learning language is getting know about the cultures.

While I preparing the essay.
I asked to my mother.
First I asked, "Mommy, cna i have a foreign boy friend?"
She said "Yes, if you can, but it will be very difficult. because you are not a good English speaker."
I got a hurt a little. I know it just kidding.
And I asked one more question.
"How about get married with foreigner?"
she said "No!"
she can speak English well, and my father and brother too.
It is not problem.
But she thought, different culture is hard to understand.
When the different cultures meet, it can be a trouble.
But sometimes it can be an advantage.
But she didn't know.


I think that the most important thing in marriage is love.
It wasn’t popular in Korea, but, today interracial marriage has becoming more common than the past.
I think one of the main reasons is that women’s condition has changed a lot to choose spouses.
Once we learned, we should consider many things to choose a spouse, characteristic, financial condition, educational background, family status and same race.
And one of the considering factors is added.
It’s love.
And it becomes number one factor to select women’s spouses.
When love places first factor, all others become useless and meaningless when we make a decision about marriage.
Different cultures and languages can be cause many troubles on interracial marriages.
But women’s point of view, Korea has a conservative culture and Confucianism country.
Much housework’s should be done by wives.
But I heard many western countries are progressive and have “lady first” thinking.
And western culture is quite personal and husband and wife oriented not family oriented.
When I watch marriage situation drama, “Love and War,” I knew the relationship between parents-in-law could be harsh and cause problems

According to Korea culture, most of men think, women have to do all of housework and they have to take care of their parent-in-law.
In the Bible, according to Genesis chapter3 verse 16 to 19,
To be brief, God gave us punishment.
To the women, increase her pains in childbearing.
And her desire will be for her husband, and he will over her.
To the men, he must not eat of it, because in the ground because of him, though painful toil he will eat of it all the days of his life.
So, it means, men’s have to work, and do the women have to take care of her and husband family and be ruled over by him?
It’s unfair.
Yeh, I know a few family didn’t do like that.
Most of Korean women are worried about it.
After they get married, they should have to quit their work.
But some foreigner’s are different.
They usually think all of housework must share each other.
And they don’t have to take care of their parent-in-law.
Because of their thought, most foreigners have individualism.
Due to this thought, they don’t have any heavy duty.

So I think we can find many advantages on women respect cultures.
The Korean women who want interracial marriage don’t consider financial conditions,
But, just decide marrying in Belief of a husband’s love.

It was tooooo long.

What do you think about it?

Friday, April 11, 2008

Thursday, April 10, 2008

I GOT TAGGED!!!

Ok, so when this whole tag phase started I was a little offended that no one had tagged me. But then I noticed that I was actually tagged about a month ago on mila's blog, I just didn't pay attention. SO HERE GOES!!! I'M SUPER EXCITED!!!



1. IPOD ear buds: hell if I know where the IPOD is. That's ok, it's not mine it's my sister's and she hasn't asked for it back

2. Um-ba-rella-ella-ella

3. Green Walleta- my favorite thing ever-because it took me so long to find a wallet that I REALLY wanted. So much better than that $30 crap at urban (which sucks)

4. Lipgloss from the Body Shop

5. Lotion from the Body Shop (I F'ing love the body shop and everything that they stand for!)

6. Thank You for Smoking by Christopher Buckley- one of the best books I've ever read and if matthew and ellen and that pretencious writer at the New York Times are correct, and they usually are, the reason that I'm still single.

7. Verizon NV- My new appendage. Why I need to check my email in 7 minute intervals, I'll never know BUT GOD BLESS VERIZON!!!!

8. My black pen and Red notebook- recent acquisition to write down my thoughts, feeling, do to lists. But I mostly use it to write funny things I hear on the train. Here's my favorite:

friday april 4, 2008- 7:27pm- the g train

"When a man ask you what yo' favorite position is you say downtown! be real girl and you will have yourself a jolly ol' time! alright?" -Lady holding a Mickey mouse balloon and the hand of a 6 year old

9. My camera case- I always carry it in case there's something interesting to take a picture of, but then I always forget I have it.

10. And all that fits in my bitchin' Brooklyn Bag

I would tag, but I don't know if there's anyone left.

Friday, April 04, 2008

On the C

We were all minding our own business, trying desperatly to avoid contact with one another, when when she entered the train. She was gorgeous, at least 250lbs, 5'11 dressed to the nines- the heels of the stilletto boots quivering at 65 degree angles. She was a big girl, but she knew how to dress to impress. The ironic thing was that it was not her clothing that impressed us C-Train Commuters at 8:43 in the morning.

Ok, I've thought of a million segues into this, but nothing quite grasp the concept other than just blurting it out. That woman had THE BIGGEST ASS I HAVE EVER SEEN IN LIFE. One only seen in music videos and that only Sir Mix-a-lot could sing about. This was a legendary, park-your-bike-in, set-your-drink-on ASS! AMAZING!

I peeled my eyes away from her only to see all the fellow commuters staring at her ass in as much amazement as I was. And when we got to her stop those same eyes followed her out as each cheeck jumped under her skirt as if independant from each other.

For a second, there was complete silence on the train. I think the others, like me, were trying to take it all in and register what they had just seen. We all just sat there, catatonic, until a homeless man so eloquently broke the silence when he said, "Well, damn!"

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

I heart New York

I was reading a journal entry from back in January. I was weeks into my job search and frustrated to no end. That day I visited the New York Public Library on 6th Ave to write a couple cover letters, and also as an excuse to get out of the house. I found myself overwhelmed, not just with my task, with with the size, history and all around awesomeness of the building. I remember resenting feeling like a tourist in my own home town. I wanted SO badly to have a reason to stay, but it didn't seem like it was going to happen. I felt so small.

I guess that's what's so great about keeping a journal, even though I might be the worst person at it. But you have the opportunity to look back at the problems that you thought were SO HUGE and see how insignificant they've become. And, if you're smart enough, you'll remember that when faced with new challenges.

See, if I had my way, I'd be in Syracuse, NY, slaving away in someones lab, but that's not what God wanted. And though I kicked, screamed, bitched and moaned, I've been reminded once again, that God kinda has the upper hand when it comes to seeing the future and knowing what's going to work out.

So, I don't know what's coming next (well, california is, but you know what I mean), but I'm excited as HELL!

But for now, when I see a hippy walking arm and arm with a 80 year old socialite, a 60 year old korean man dressed like justin timberlake, and his blond 20 year old girlfriend, and a white lady with a red afro, like I did today, I'll just smile and say, GOD I LOVE NEW YORK!

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Bad Day

Today during lunch I felt like the world was coming to an end. I was walking down spring street, fighting tears. I’d just had the worst day in a really really long time. What happened? I was on my way out to lunch when an important client, and two phone calls came in at the same time. I had to hold my lunch back five minutes. When I finally got out the elevator I was spent! I walked a couple blocks bemoaning my existence, until on the corner of Spring and Wooster I had the sudden urge to scream “WHAT THE FUCK?! Jael, what’s wrong with you? Being held up for five minutes is REALLY your biggest problem in the world?”

Is it just me, or are there others out there like me? For about 5 minutes I had felt that I was CLEARLY victimized by a client and my telephone. A year ago I was in drowning in a financial bog that I swore I would never make it out alive. 10 months ago at a previous job, one of my clients had a suicide attempt. Was 5 minutes really worth getting into a stink about?! Why is it that when we’re going through, we’re begging God to get us out of this storm, only to complain that the sun is shining way too bright in the calm. I don’t know how God puts up with it.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Fruity Pebbles

I’m finally at that age when everyone seems to be getting married. When I say everyone, I mean EVERYONE but me. And frankly, I’m surprised at my attitude. See, I had a feeling that this was going to happen. I’ve always expected to be the last one of my friends who was alone and fat, but I sort of expected some sort of mental breakdown to accompany the arrival of this day. I mean, as surprising at it sounds, I’m genuinely happy for my friends and I don’t constantly check myself in the mirror for a humpback or a gimpy leg that will forever keep me fat and alone (apologies to all my faithful fat, lonely gimpy-legged humpbacked readers) My one concern is, why am I so unconcerned? By my age, my mother had 6 years of marriage under her belt, 2 children and an accidental child on the horizon (me). Meanwhile, I’m at Pathmark buying Fruity Pebbles because no one can tell me I can’t have them. ( I do carry them home in a cloth bag, which is VERY adult, thank you very much!). But while I’m munching on my fruity pebbles, I can’t help but wonder if there’s something else I should be aspiring to? Why am I not acting my age? How does one act 24? Instead of rolling my eyes at mothers who bring crying babies on airplanes, should I smile at them politely while my ovaries yearn for their good reproductive fortune? Listen, I’m not saying I don’t want domestic life. In some sort of dark distant future, I do want it! But for now, these fruity pebbles are delicious! Is that so wrong?

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Negras who throw temper tantrums and the God who loves them...

Today, spiritually, I hit a wall. I was angry and tired. It'd been more than a year that I was ministering to others, but felt so far removed from God. I felt like everything I earnestly asked God for, I got the opposite of. I felt like my will was the opposite of his. Like I had no control over my life, so what's the point of prayer? So I sat on my floor, threw things and told God exactly how I felt.

Then a pang of guilt swept over me. How could I do that? I have an amazing life. I have too much food, clothes, education. I travel too much. Who was I to complain? But on the other hand, this is what I was feeling. Why should I feel guilty for letting it out? Is it so impossible to relate with God that I can't really express how I feel?

Then I went on Youtube and literally just happened upon this video.

I guess sometimes God is not so subtle.



Is it that He's finally speaking to me? Or that I'm finally listening?

Shame

During Bush's State of the Union address I was watching Season 1 of Desperate Housewives. What were you doing?

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Well done, white people, well done

A genius named Dave Chappelle once said that anytime black people do something amazing, white people steal it. That's why we still have Li'l Mama.

here are two examples when, you know what, I really don't mind




Wednesday, January 16, 2008

AMERICA! AMERICA!

I'M BACK, BABY!

After 6 months to be away from American soil, I'm happy to be here once again. While I was never particularly patriotic, there are certain inalienable rights that I've found I couldn't live without. English, for example. Don't get me wrong I miss Korea HARDCORE, and every other second I'm tempted to use all of my savings to get on a plane back to Seoul. but I fully believe that at this moment I'm where I'm meant to be: BROOKLYN, gangstas!

Now, it's not to say that being back i'm not experiencing reverse culture-shock. And now that i've gotten over the jet lag (3 weeks later) I can do my favorite thing in the world: MAKE A LIST!

15 things I missed in the past 6 months:

1. White strips that dissolve (AMAZING)
2. Vivica fox has a sex tape (ME TOO! Impact not what I expected, I will release it again in 6 months)
3. Britney is crazy (actually, we knew that, by we I mean the world)
4. New York picked a crazy white boy (Taylor Made- there's someone for everyone)
5. Amy Whinehouse is still famous/alive/a woman
6. Maury hasn't won the Nobel prize for Amazingness in talk show history (Am I the only one who recognizes genius?!?!)
7. Prince William is back together with his girlfriend (I know that's not America, but this is still upsetting)
8. The Dow Jones Insdutrial Average closes above 14,000 for the first time in history (actually, I got that off wiki, I don't know what the hell that means)
9. RED SOXS WIN THE WORLD SERIES!!! (I watched it from the other end, but it's not the same!)
10. Don't tase me, bro! (JAJAJAJAJAJAJA)
11. Jamie Lynn is pregnant (who's Jamie Lynn?)
12.Everyone is running for President (and has sex tapes)
13. Dog the bounty hunter is a racist and not black (surprise, surprise)
14. Oprah is running for president (and I'm voting for her!)
15. High School Musical 2 (I don't know how to feel)