Thursday, November 30, 2006

Why?! Why?! Why?!

yesterday I decided to treat myself for being a monster at the gym and I went to whole food and bought myself a teeny tiney single serving of Keylime pie. IT WAS AMAZING and I , of course, look at the calories on the package before eating it: 160 calories (insignificant). How about today I saw the package and it turned out that I read the wrong line. It was really 160 CALORIES FROM FAT!!! The whole thing is 400 CALORIES!!!! WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE?!?!

But you know what, the cleaning lady at the gym, Mirtha, knows my name, I think that's saying something.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Christmas Present to Jael

Hi guys,
For Christmas for me, all I want you guys to do is follow this link

and complete 1 offer. That's it! This way I can get a macbook. Offers are pretty cool and cheap, usually, you only pay for shipping and handling, like $6-7 bucks, this is all I want for Christmas!

Thanks guys, I love you.

(P.S. If you want me to do the same for you, I totally will!)

I hate Holiday

The greeting card and retail business came up with this other holiday that starts the week before thanksgiving (when the radio stations start playing holiday music, which is AWESOME!) and ends the day after new years… And it’s called (fanfare), Holiday, because no one can seem to bring themselves to actually say Christ. But that’s not my beef, so feel free to join in the gift-giving Non-Christians, it’s all good. My beef is, that Holiday come RIGHT before a potential tax refund, and RIGHT before all those great after-holiday sales. So you’re either forced to sell your first born child’s ovaries to a barren socialite to pay for all those expensive presents or sweat it out at 5 in the morning on the day after thanksgiving with 500 other idiots.

Therefore due to lack of fund, I decided to start knitting (last week) so that, instead of spending loads of cash on actual presents, I would make them scarves and little cards that say, “A donation has been made in your name to the Saint Jude foundation.” Which is not entirely false, because at CVS you can buy little paper balloons for a dollar on which you can write the name of a loved-one and have it taped in the stores’ window and I was planning on buying one for each family member, and all the money ACTUALLY goes to St. Judes, but I digress. So far, in a week. I’ve managed to make a hairband, which could actually become a fashion statement, if I don’t say so myself.

If that wasn’t bad enough there’s the realization that Holiday is actually for lovers. Case in point, last Holiday my family decided that we would each get presents for the kids, as usual, but that the adults would do Secret Santa. While my gift was awesome, everyone but me had an extra gift from their significant other, and me, being the only single person left in the world, I only got 1 gift. I certainly don’t wish to be married at this point in my life, but a girl could use an extra present on Holiday, (and a little tap, just a little one).


Monday, November 20, 2006

Amazing day!

Dietwise- AMAZING DAY!

Workoutwise- AMAZING DAY!

Workwise- AMAZING DAY!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Sometimes, when you're at the gym, you just have to fart.

On Monday Dee gave me a vital piece of advice. If you're sick from your chest up (ie. a runny nose, cough) you CAN work out, If you're sick below your chest (corre coree, the runs) DO NOT WORK OUT. That really bursted my bubble beacuse I had used my little cough as an excuse not to even look in the direction to the gym this week. So FINE, this morning I woke up at 4:40, woke my sister up, so that we could be at the gym by 5. Well, I now understand the "below the chest" thing, because about 20 minutes into my work out, my stomach made a noise I had never heard it make before. I recognized it as a STRONG urge to fart. But how could I? There were about 20, not so happy, sleep deprived people around me, how dare I contaminate their workout air, they were losing so much air already. Well, my stomach spoke to me again, and it was mad as hell. It said, "Jael, either you let the fart out on your own terms or I will push it out for you. ERGO: this is how you let out a fart at the gym.

1. On whatever machine you're on, SLOW DOWN YOUR PACE. It's a scientific fact that the speed of the fart is directly related to the speed in which you are working out. So, do yourself a favor, don't worry that those around you will think you're weak for slowing down, slow down to warm up/cool down speed!
2. Gently cough and release between 20 and 25% of the gas within you. Remember, this will be slow, but slow equals slient. And if it's silent (even though it might be deadly) you can always blame it on someone else.
3. Repeat step 2 three to four more times, or until all of the gas is out of your stomach.
4. Look at the person on the machine next to you as if they had just said that the holocaust was a hoax. This way, those around you will think that this person is responsible for the new rancid smell. (*Note: the “you smelt it you dealt it” rule still applies here, so this may backfire on you. Use with caution.)

I hope that this tutorial has been helpful. Questions and comments are welcome.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

best quote EVER

I saw this quotes on myspace somewhere....

"I don't skinny dip, I chunky dunk" HAHAHAHAHA

Thursday, November 09, 2006

now I'm just blogging for the sake of blogging

I've been doing really well... I'm on my way to the gym now. I have no time because of GRE studying and it's sabado joven this weekend.

alright, I love you all. Except those of you I hate.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Pa' fuera telaranas!

Dear Bitches,
Sorry. I haven't posted in a while....

Have you ever worked out angry at the world? well I recommend it! I burned off 1,000 calories at the gym in less than an hour and a half, my day was that bad. Today, I discovered that I have about $1000 less in my bank account than I thought I did (that's a significant chunk of change), instead of running to a pint of haggen daas, as per usual, I ran to the gym, because Dee told me to get my fat, lazy ass to the gym or I was going to DIE! (check out my myspace, I told you she'd be an asset).

Back to being angry at the world-- I now understand that there are things that I can't control. (plenty of things) but there are other things that I can... one of those being whether to sit in my room wallowing in my own self pity, or going to the gym and kicking ass. I choose the latter. I've let myself boldly go where no jael has gone before, I am freaking hot, (somewhere inside this mess) and I freaking deserve better than I'm giving myself. If I sound militant, IT BECAUSE I AM!

I also have a new theme song, and here are the lyrics.

Ella by Bebe

Ella sa cansao de tirar la toalla
se va quitando poco a poco telarañas
No ha dormido esta noche pero no esta cansada
no miro ningún espejo pero se siente to’ guapa
Hoy ella sa puesto color en las pestañas
hoy le gusta su sonrisa, no se siente una extraña
hoy sueña lo que quiere sin preocuparse por nada
hoy es una mujé que se da cuenta de su alma

CORO: Hoy vas a descubrir que el mundo es solo para ti
que nadie puede hacerte daño, nadie puede hacerte daño
Hoy vas a comprender que el miedo se puede romper con un solo portazo.
Hoy vas a hacer reir porque tus ojos se han cansado de ser llanto, de ser llanto
Hoy vas a conseguir reirte hasta de ti y ver que lo has logrado...

Hoy vas a ser la mujé que te dé la gana de ser
Hoy te vas a querer como nadie ta sabio queré
Hoy vas a mirar pa’lante que pa atrás ya te dolio bastante
Una mujé valiente, una mujé sonriente mira como pasa
Hoy nacio la mujé perfecta que esperaban ha roto sin pudores, las reglas marcadas
Hoy a calzado tacones para hacer sonar sus pasos
Hoy sabe que su vida nunca mas será un fracaso
(Coro again)

Bitches, I am empowered! As such, I choose not to take my measurement. It might bring me down.